This is it. 2 more days to A levels. Never thought I would have come this far.

It’s been a grueling 3 weeks with mixed emotions. Helplessness, frustrations, exhaustion, stress, disappointments - pratically everything except happiness. Since I enter JC, I find myself constantly on the quest to do well, but no matter how hard I try I always find myself lagging behind and end up trying to get over all the disappointments that comes straight at me. I find it so unfair and annoying that I always have to work twice as hard to achieve barely mediocre results.

I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way but I still feel unprepared at this point of time. I tell myself I can get those As, but somehow at the back of my mind, the thought of scoring mostly Us for the bulk of the past 1 and a half years still lingers. It’s crushing every bit of confidence I have.

But I need to stop thinking about it. There were times before where I had the luxury of time to think about it, where I had the chance to try harder and do well for the next exam, but not now. This is my only chance to do well, and I can’t afford to screw it up. I MUST do well.

This is not the time to think or even feel. That’s being weak, and I know I can’t afford to be weak, not when everyone else wants to be stronger or they probably already are.

The thought of facing the papers makes me all jittery inside, but I guess there is nothing I can do except to embrace it. I need to rule out all the negative thoughts and make this fight worthwhile.

Go Jan, think nothing but positive thoughts. You can do it!

Sometimes people just don’t understand;
That’s when you realize you’re all alone, that they’ve never been there in the first place.

Grandma’s 83rd birthday

That was 2 Saturdays ago. Headed to Aunt Alice’s place after Econs Camp 2 for family gathering cum celebration. Great time catching up with cousins and playing guitar hero! Grandma looked rather weak and frail that day ): Just hope she gets better and stay healthy always!

Graduation Ceremony

16th Oct 2009 marks the last official school day for us before the A level exams. Morning assembly was in the hall, followed by prelims results analysis by Mr Kwek and prize presentation for most improved award and people who got into the honour roll :)

Headed to our usual classroom for the last civics tutorial lesson. Mrs Tan was really cute to give all of us a bag filled with an apple, pencil, vitamin C sweets, chocolates and some motivational message. Each item had a meaning to it :D Then it was the giving out of prelim results slips and camwhoring!

The ceremony began at 10am back in the hall and I must say it was a really memorable one!

Love the farewell video from the various departments alot, especially the ones from chemistry, GP, maths and physics :) I swear we were laughing our ass off the whole time!! :D Went on youtube to search for the videos but only managed to find one from the physics department:

After that was reception at the atrium and mainly photo-taking sessions with random people and teachers around :)

With our principal, Mr Kwek :)

Vice-principal, Ms Ng :)

Look how widely Moni is smiling, thanks to our help! Hahahahaha!!

Mr Nandwani

Mr Derek Lee!

 
Ny’s very own Mr Gurmit Singh! (yes that’s his real name)

Mr Seah!

Mr Johnathan Ng

Awwwww so sweet~

Ms Teng :)

Alright, will leave it till after As to blog about my 2 years in JC. Haha :)

So this week is the start of our study break. I’ve been going back to school for the past few days for consultations, extra lectures and mock exams. It was really exhausting, and today is the day my body decided it couldn’t take it anymore ): Down with flu and throat infection now, so I stayed home the whole day. Opportunity cost: missed chem and physics consultation, chem lecture and physics mock exam. What a time to fall sick. Seriously! It sucks cause I know I should be studying but end up spending most of my time sleeping. Another day wasted just like that. Just hope I get well by tomorrow so everything gets back to normal. Okay, will attempt to do some work now though head’s still spinning like mad. Sigh.

Random thoughts:

1) I’m freaking pissed at myself now because for the third consecutive time of the week I fell asleep before I could start studying.

2) I even dreamt of chemistry. 1 moldm^-3 of N₂ occupies the container..yada yada yada.

3) It’s 12.15AM. I’ve got 3 chem papers to be done by tomorrow but I’ve only completed 1.

4) Carelessness is driving me nuts. I mistook HCl for Cl₂ and ∑r for ∑r².

5) I’m so dead for tomorrow’s physics and econs consultations because I haven’t prepared for it.

6) To top it off, I had diarrohea today.

7) Studying is unhealthy. It causes dark eye circles, pimple outbreaks, indigestion and worse of all, it makes me fat.

8) Panic attack. 26 days left, and I still feel so unprepared.

9) School in another 7 hours time.

10) Goodnight people!

P.S. Thanks for the supplements RW :)

Frolicks with Jolene, Yi Jia, Xin Ying, Hui Hui and Chun How after prelims!

Okay that was probably the last time we’d be going out till the end of As.

After a 2 day break, it’s back to the books once again. Post prelims life has become more of a routine – school, consultations, studying in the library, head home, more studying (if I’m disciplined enough) and sleep. It’s kinda sad but the only thing I look forward to everyday is bedtime, cause that’s probably the only time I can stop thinking about my studies.

I know I shouldn’t be using the com now but it’s quite impossible for me to stop surfing the net till the end of As since it’s become more of a habit, so I’ve been trying to cut down my time on the com. Maybe half an hour a day? I hope I can keep to it :)

Earlier this week, there was some DOS meeting held in our school, and very randonly, we just happen to look out of the window after maths lesson and this is what we saw:

The fact that the cars were parked so neatly around the track, amazing isn’t it? Everyone was pretty fascinated by the sight so we started taking more photos. Couldn’t capture the whole view of the track so the photos are only part of it. If you’re there to see it, I’m sure you’ll just go ‘wow!’ :D

Ok enough photos of the cars. Now for some photos taken during night study with Monica’s new camera!

One last week of school and it’s graduation ceremony this coming friday. Then it’ll be a 3 week study break before the start of A level exam. How time flies. Alright, back to studying after this! Hang in there my friends, it’ll all be over soon! :)

Headache. Flu. Sore throat.
I think I’m falling sick soon ):

Yesterday was the end of the month long prelims, yet I didn’t feel the slightest bit of relief or happiness at all. Okay you’ve guessed it – results (yes the teachers are really efficient this time, they returned us some papers on the LAST day of prelims).

I guess I overestimated myself. Thinking about the time I got my O level results, without hesitation, I straightaway decided on a JC, and honestly speaking, the poly route didn’t come across my mind at all. I thought to myself, since I can do it for ‘O’s (not that I did very well, but at least up to my own expectations), ‘A’s shouldn’t be a problem for me. But I am wrong, hell wrong. It never once struck my mind that I would find it so hard to adapt to the changes, that it’ll be so draining and stressful, that I feel I’m no longer myself anymore. Simply put, I’m not up to it, or rather, I’m not capable enough. This journey towards the ‘A’s has proved to be far too much for me to handle, and it’s probably the biggest setback I’ve faced in my life so far. 

At this point of time, it’s really disheartening. I’ve used up so much energy, choked up so much tears, given up so much,  I’m really physically and mentally exhausted now. I’m tired of failing and trying and believing and failing again and trying again and believing again and failing again and trying again and believing again. You get what I mean. It’s like believing in something non-existent, something unreachable, something unreal.

I’m slowly losing the strength to carry on. 41 more days. I don’t know how much longer I can last.

‘Hardwork pays off’. Perhaps I should get a nobel prize for proving this theory wrong.

Rest In Peace, my friend.
You’ll always be fondly remembered and missed by us.

“Tiny rounds that bring a frosting-coated smile to any face”
I would kill for such pretty cupcakes!!

I wanna learn how to bake them after As! :D :D :D

Outdated photos from Yi Jia’s 18th birthday;
 

& Teacher’s Day 2009!

:D