Where The Heart Is.

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Not at this time please

01Oct09

Headache. Flu. Sore throat.
I think I’m falling sick soon ):

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Yesterday was the end of the month long prelims, yet I didn’t feel the slightest bit of relief or happiness at all. Okay you’ve guessed it – results (yes the teachers are really efficient this time, they returned us some papers on the LAST day of prelims).

I guess I overestimated myself. Thinking about the time I got my O level results, without hesitation, I straightaway decided on a JC, and honestly speaking, the poly route didn’t come across my mind at all. I thought to myself, since I can do it for ‘O’s (not that I did very well, but at least up to my own expectations), ‘A’s shouldn’t be a problem for me. But I am wrong, hell wrong. It never once struck my mind that I would find it so hard to adapt to the changes, that it’ll be so draining and stressful, that I feel I’m no longer myself anymore. Simply put, I’m not up to it, or rather, I’m not capable enough. This journey towards the ‘A’s has proved to be far too much for me to handle, and it’s probably the biggest setback I’ve faced in my life so far.

At this point of time, it’s really disheartening. I’ve used up so much energy, choked up so much tears, given up so much, I’m really physically and mentally exhausted now. I’m tired of failing and trying and believing and failing again and trying again and believing again and failing again and trying again and believing again. You get what I mean. It’s like believing in something non-existent, something unreachable, something unreal.

I’m slowly losing the strength to carry on. 41 more days. I don’t know how much longer I can last.

‘Hardwork pays off’. Perhaps I should get a nobel prize for proving this theory wrong.